It took me at least three attempts to get the hang of Twitter. What once seemed pointless is now, well still pointless but it’s also bewitchingly fun.
I can easily spend hours tweeting folk I’ll never meet or spend the same amount of time, refreshing the screen and praying to god that someone says something amusing enough to make me smile for once in my miserable life.
Anyway, here’s a typical day on Twitter for me.
*Retweet important political information about something I only understand slightly*
*Get tweet from someone hot and imagine they’ve tweeted me because I am awesome. Tweet implies no such thing*
“YAY, A NEW FOLLOWER!!”
“FUCK I’VE LOST A FOLLOWER. WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE??”
“Ooh, that hot fella off Chuck is on here. ”
*Gets ignored by hot fella off Chuck and unfollows*
*Flirt with handsome creative man.*
*GETS DM FROM HANDSOME CREATIVE MAN!!*
*Blocks handsome creative man*
*Tweets something hilarious and insightful and gets no RTs*
*Tweets something about boobs and gets 400 RT’s plus 700 new followers. New followers are all spambots*
*Moans about being fat.*
*Moans about having no boyfriend*
*Wonders what at least 17 men are like in bed*
*Also wonders about some of the women*
*Wastes 2 hours wondering about sex with people based on profile photos*
*Makes someone laugh*
*Makes someone angry*
*Makes account public so everyone can talk to me.*
*Makes account private in case an ex is being creepy*
*Ignores several important things to do in the real world in favour of tweeting about Eastenders*
*Unfollows people for being self absorbed only posting their blog links*
*Posts at least 3 blog links*
*Finally goes to bed and no one notices or cares.*
Verdict – 4/5
No one famous follows me therefore a point must be deducted.