If I had to write an advert to honestly convey what a speed dating event is REALLY like, it would go something like this-
- Are you desperate to find someone to put up with your shit?
- Want to sit in a room with 20 men you don’t find remotely attractive?
- Do you hate small talk and resent everyone who sits in front of you because you know instantly that you won’t sleep with them and therefore, what’s the fucking point?
- Would you like to know how much irrelevant shite you can spout out in 4 minutes and feel the need to punch yourself in the face for being so disgustingly lame?
- Ever wonder what the longest, most painful 4 minutes of your life feels like and want to repeat that 20x in a single evening?
- Like feeling rejected the next day when the men you have no intention of ever seeing again don’t tick your name either, therefore making you feel as attractive as a Walnut Whip.
Where – A bar somewhere, hopefully where no one knows your name.
Cost- At least £20 and that includes looks of pity from the bar staff and free toilet roll for either wiping away tears of loneliness for ladies or for the fellas who are cry-wanking in the cubicles after the event.
*No dress sense or dignity required
Never. Ever. Again.