I use Twitter all the time, in fact you’re probably reading this post because of the link I’ve just tweeted. As a rule I like the people I follow but I’ve noticed how Twitter can turn seemingly normal, compassionate people into fucking bellends -myself included. Some examples below.
- “I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS ANGRY ABOUT THAT UNTIL TWITTER MENTIONED IT. NOW I’M LIVID. FUCK YOU PERSON WHO SAID SOMETHING.”
- “I believe everyone has the right to free speech regardless of whether I agree with what they’re saying. What? YOU CAN’T SAY THAT YOU MASSIVE PRICK. *unfollows*
- You have over ONE THOUSAND followers!!! You must be some sort of God. Time to start throwing your considerable weight around eh?
- If I find you have a large number of followers or I think you’ll be useful, I will DM you and pretend one day I’ll sleep with you. I won’t.
- I will claim to be your mate but I won’t RT anything you’ve said/written in case it offends any of my own followers.
- I’M GOING TO POST A SEXY PICTURE OF ME IN MY PANTS. Then claim I look fat and wait for people to feed my ego.
- I will take part in the bullying of a celebrity because everyone else is but will defend someone ‘normal’ if this happens to them.
- If all else fails, I’ll say cunt as often as possible.
- VOICES OPINION ON SOMETHING I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
- I won’t ever have a conversation with you but I will reply to everything you say with a smart arse remark.
- I’m a comedian so this means every tweet will be a joke. Every. Fucking. Tweet.
- I am political. LOOK AT MY POLITICAL TWEETS. I have nothing else.
- I WILL BLOCK YOU IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME AND POSSIBLY EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER MET OR LOVED.
- Twitter is important because celebrities might talk to you. IMAGINE THAT!
I am guilty of a couple of these. I HATE MYSELF.